I spent years working on average 12 hour days in a corporate job in the legal industry. I had a very grown up job title and a good salary. A voice inside me told me I should be pleased, I should be chuffed at my “achievements”. I ought to be excited. But inside I was unhappy. I was permanently anxious, bored and very low. I felt like a fraud. I had imposter syndrome. But I carried on, too scared to step away from what I knew, and constantly wanting people I knew to be proud of me. I was so stressed out because none of this was the real me. I wasn’t being authentic. I now know that that’s unsustainable. The fallout can be awful. And what a ghastly way to measure myself that was!
My back hurt, I was overweight, drinking too much wine, grazing on sugary rubbish at my desk. I’d gone up three dress sizes and whilst I smiled and twinkled in my sparkly armour and my red lipstick, my confidence was actually at rock bottom. I was tired. Really tired.
Then I met a yoga instructor who I connected with …. I was struck by her kindness. And she exuded such strength yet gentleness. Her own story resonated with me enormously. The importance she placed on the mental and emotional elements of yoga really helped me to “get it” which enabled me to start a new journey myself by learning yoga – and I got hooked! Here was something I could do which made me feel better immediately. Not only did I feel a difference, but I could see a difference. Very quickly.
After practicing with her yoga sanctuary for a year, I signed up to train as a yoga teacher and become a Yoga Alliance Global instructor. It was the most intensive, exhausting, exhiliarating and wonderful experience.
I loved feeling my body grow in strength and flexibility, but the physical fitness was a by-product. I was doing something I really enjoyed and was really getting to know myself along the way. It helped enormously with head space and unclenching my head after years of stress, both work and life related. Yoga is something I will continue to practice for the rest of my life.
It also gave me the confidence to tackle painful lower-back issues which I’d had for years (caused by my lifestyle) rather than be ruled by them. It made me feel empowered. Made me realise that actually it was ok to step back and have a complete change of lifestyle. It helped me lose weight and tone up. It helped me to learn more about me, understand my gremlins and the newfound strength and flexibility improved my posture and alignment.
It’s called a yoga practice for good reason – we continue to practice. If you can't do a headstand or crow pose, or if you find downward dog difficult - it really doesn't matter. These physical poses are such a small part of yoga. It's much more important to show up. Show up consistently. Show up for yourself.